Super Trip: BHM:ARK Prt. 1

So the Super Trip was a 2 week cross country trek from Birmingham, AL to Long Beach, CA.  It was gnarly, bro-dacious, and totally tripped out.  Needless to say it was a hell of an adventure.  I met up with the boys in Birmingham and then it was go time.

I packed up my bag and filled it with magical slimy crocodile tongues and some other goodies.  I took 3 shirts and some shorts and brought a wicked leather jacket to up my hipster/biker cred.  The Birmingham Crew consisted of: Chauncey, Taichi, Brandon, Nick, Duane, J-Body, and myself.

John was up early to wish us off.  He stayed up late doing his homework so he was a little out of it this morning.  Chauncey and I packed up and met up with the rest of the team at Brandon's

We got there about 9, we then proceeded to talk about leaving for 30 minutes about how early it was and  how maybe we'll leave on time.  We left about 10:30, but at least we all made it out of the starting gate. 

Soon after departure we experienced some technical difficulties.  Chauncey likes to live on the edge and prefers to let his friends do the crucial welding jobs on his bike.  His rear fender decided to pull loose and cause a little problem.  Chauncey called his trip short after just 60 miles.  We all missed him and his pungent scent and beautiful smile.

We made it to arkansas that night.  450 miles or so.  That was the longest I had ever ridden on a motorcycle before.  My ass was sore and that was only day 1 of 14. 

  Memphis was a little sketchy.  Brandon was trying to phone home but he forgot to dial the 1 before the area code.

We met up with our friends Warren and Jeremiah from Wisconsin and Chicago.  We got to the camp and bought 90 beers for 10 people.  It was a bit too many for even the most ferocious of the beer drinkers.  J-Body brought a magically expanding backpack that seemed to keep expanding.

This is Warren.  He builds choppers.  He also uses his bike to make a lean to shelter.  He's pretty much a chopper wizard.  He is super rad and loves the smell of oranges and peppermints.  Warren actually was brought to tears during the Super Trip.  The road moved him sooooo deeply that he cried.  Moments like that made this trip great.  The Bromance was thick in the air.

This is Jeremiah.  He is rad.  He loves beating cheeks.  He has a small urethra so his loads go extra far.  He's got a wicked Jap bike.  His friends from Chi told him his bike didn't look cool enough to to ride with them.  So he said "Fuck You" and rode down with Warren.  Jeremiah is an amazing shit talker.  He could get sponsored for sure.  

The next leg of the trip was from Arkansas to the beloved state of Kansas.  

Birmingham Pt. 2: Friends

We like to "Bro"-down in the B-Ham.  I've got lots of bros and we always put them before hoes...at least some of us.  I am a frequent violator of this sacred rule, but its only cause I'm an idiot and don't know when to stop thinking with my dick.  Duane and I have "Bro"-ed down on many occasions and here recently we've been kickin' it quite a bit. 

I don't live in Birmingham any more so I really don't know whats going on in the area and I just kind of show up un-announced at peoples houses expecting a couch to sleep on.  I've realized that that's pretty rude now so I try not to do that...instead I stumble back and sleep on their front porch in one of the many ironic pieces of furniture outside without them knowing.  D-Bo and I had a grand ol' time the other night and I learned a lot about myself... being that I have a huge yapper and need to keep it shut more often than not.  I guess all's well that ends well.  That being said take a look at this:

 
This is K-Wild ( A.K.A Kyle ) after a 10 round bout with booze and a knuckle sandwich.  Kyle tends to get a little violent when he puts his mind to it and his mouth to the bottle.  Moon and I had the pleasure of babysitting ol' bloody tits after he got socked in the face.  The excess blood from this relatively minor injury was due to Kyle not quite grasping the concept of clotting, and subscribing to the classic snot rocket theory of nasal leakage didn't make things much easier.  It didn't work too good for my shirt or Moon's back seat either.  He was stoked on the photos and this one turned out the best.  Kyle is currently traveling with his tail between his legs to California with his assailant.  Let this be a lesson:  Don't let brosephs punch your other brosephs.  Keep the peace...you dirty hippies.

So Moon is a badass.  He's bounced back from some pretty heavy shit, and now with the help of J-Harb ( Josh ) they have combined forces to become the most annoying and kind hearted duo in existence.  They are literally the two most genuine people on the planet and will actually give your the shirt off their back to keep you warm at night.  I've seen em' do it!  When I got my pit tatty-d Josh said, " I'd get tattooed in my armpit to see what it feels like.  Thats WILD!  I bet it hurts man. Creighton, you are a bad ass dude.  I really respect you."  This is what happened after we harassed him for about an hour:

 Josh got a peeerrrty little heart right up in there, which is more that most people can say.  Chauncey is possibly the most famous of the Bros.

He's definitely the most popular his dashing good looks gives him an uncanny ability to move from one social group to the next.  He smells great... so he literally has to turn down sex from ladies all the time.  I have seen him do this on more than one occasion, and it may be the most amazing thing that I have ever witnessed.  Chauncey is killin' em' softly.  He's gonna be an engineer in a couple of years, and a damn good one.  He's smart as a whip and probably the stingiest mother fucker in the world.  He's gonna be healthy, wealthy, and wise.  Wellll maybe not so healthy since all he eats is Vienna Sausages and lemon pepper chicken, but he'll be loaded for sure, but he's only 19 so he's got a little time.  Mr. Kirk was my teen idol.  I looked up to him since the day I met him.

      He shreds terror on a skateboard and him and his little lady are movin' out to the land of fame and sex to live the dream.  So rather than save Kraig has a talent for C-Lo.  He gets buckets of duckets off unsuspecting new jacks all the time. 

Hopefully he'll be working with Stuart out at Black Box and get the shred the gnar on the reg.  Me and Stuart are kindred spirits...or we both have cameras.  Either way my picture turned out cooler, but Kyle's grill turned out the worst.

Stuart just kinda left about a year ago to skate in California.  He's puttin in a lot of work and I think he's been making a name for himself.  Hopefully he'll make it big one of these days, and from what I've heard about him its pretty feasible.

You know I love you Birmingham, but I think we need to go on a break for a while.  You know?  It's best for the both of us.  How do you expect this to work out in the end if you don't give me the space I need?  Don't cry.  I'll be back, but I'm not sure things will be the same.  You only live once.  

Birmingham Pt. 1 : Family

I am from Birmingham.  Birmingham is where my friends and family live.  I love them all.  My mom and dad will probably live here for the rest of their lives.

I think they like it here I think, but I don't really know if they can remember living anywhere else.  My mom grew up in Pittsburgh until she moved to Alabama and met my father when she was in college.  They married kind of young which my mother has now recently advised me against, but I think it turned out for the best.   My two younger brothers still live in Birmingham but that won't last for long.

Jacob is going to Auburn for college in a few months.  Hopefully he'll enjoy his "college" experience and make it out unscathed.  He's going to join a frat.  I know nothing about that side of college except that most of the frat guys were scumbags.  I just hope he'll have the common sense to not turn out like another cookie cuter drone.  Andrew just got a ridiculous internship and hopefully he'll be making some bank this summer.  He just passed his insurance sales exam so he's well on his way to success.  Pops doesn't think the idea of being an insurance salesman is too useful, but Andrew has enough people skills to move some policies out the door.  Apparently the last intern made $90,000, which is uncommon, but I think Andrew is going to do pretty good for himself.     My grandparents are getting old.  They raised 5 kids here and will be leaving lasting legacy.

   

 My grandfather was a dentist for ACIPCO when he first started working in Birmingham, and eventually he opened his own practice in Brookwood.  My grandmother taught children to read in the inner city until she retired.  Now my grandfather is retired.  I know they will both be gone soon, and I am going to miss them.  I guess it helps to accept that they don't have much time left.  My mimi has been struggling with Parkinson disease and cancer for the past 10 years, and my grandfather isn't in the best health anymore either.  I don't really know what to do except spend time with them and try to preserve their stories.  My Yiayia ( Greek for grandmother ) on my mothers side live here too.

   Yiayia is greek.  100% greek.  Her mom came straight off the boat from the old country.  She makes the most delicious food I've ever tasted, and I will miss it when I move....realllllly miss it.  At every family gathering she would prepare a feast that was more delicious than the last.  My absolute favorite thing she makes is macaroni and cheese.  It not too salty and it not too cheesy.  Its the best, and hopefully one of these days she'll teach me how to make it.   I being a recent college graduate have a new goal to get the flying fuck out of town.

Hopefully my plans to work on an oil rig and see the world will pan out and I'll get to see the world finally.  I could potentially be working a month on followed by a month of vacation in which I'd travel the world, but I'm not sure how feasible that really is.  I'd like not to have an apartment and just live out of a backpack and do it up proper.  I guess we'll see what happens in the next few months.       

HNT:NFK

A company interested in employing me after graduation recently flew me up to Virginia to come in for an interview.  I had never flown by myself before or much less have a company pay for it.  I headed to the Huntsville International Airport to catch my flight out of town.  I met some really cool people along the way.

This lady was traveling with her friend Flat Stanley.  Flat Stanley had been crushed by a blackboard that fell on him in class and made him flat, but just because he was flat didn’t mean he couldn’t see the world.  Stanley had his picture taken with a couple of congressmen and a few mayors of cities in Alabama.   Here’s Stanley’s story:

The flight was delayed a bit once we got in the air it was a nice day.  This is a picture of the mighty Tennessee River on the way out of Huntsville.  I sat next to a pilot on the way out and apparently the planes go around 120mph before lifting off the ground.

After missing my connection in Charlotte I was scheduled to arrive in Norfolk around 9PM.   My kind interviewer picked me up from the airport and took me too the swankiest hotel I’ve ever stayed at.  I got a wicked king size bed for little old me.

I was as little hungry when I go in so I decided to grab a bite to eat. It was late so only the thing open was drive thru and I had no car.  Some lovely ladies saw my frustration and offered to drive me through to get some food.  I hopped in the back seat to find a 2 and 1 year old kickin’ it in the back seat.  Tamika had been through the drive through and had some poor customer service and was glad to come back through to prove a point.  I was almost sure my food was going to have some bodily fluid in it, but I think the management shaped up after Tamika’s comments.  Those girls were crazy. 

I had my interview at the mill and got back to the airport just in time to get hassled in security for a while.  I was luckily selected for a random bag check.  They took out some piece of paper and swabbed the bag to check for drugs or something.  It was very nerve racking to have a stranger go through my stuff.  Everyone seems on edge in airport security. Every grandma is packed to the teeth with C-4 I guess, but they could be but it doesn’t seem likely.  I NEED A BAG CHECK…I REPEAT…I NEED A BAG CHECK.  No one is safe until everyone’s bag is checked twice.

 After mistakenly going to the wrong terminal I had to go back through the other terminal’s security…party. So I finally got on the plane and had time to write some postcards to my friends.  I had a nice chat with the lady next to me about how the flight attendants must go home and practice there in flight safety routine in the mirror.  They had a really great stage presence and I have never seen a better fake smile out of anyone.  I like the old flight attendants the best.  They are timeless symbols of freedom, and the perils of too much makeup.  I’m just so curious as to what they do outside of work!  I’m pretty sure they’re all dating international businessmen that they hump for a few days in some strange country before coming back to reality.  I would love to hear crazy in-flight stories from the ladies working in the 60’s and 70’s before the FAA got strict.  I bet they have some good ones.

 The Holy Father blessed my iphone and I received 10 extra hipster points to add to my already hefty fanny pack full of coolness.

The clouds were amazing.  We popped through the top and it was like we were on another planet.  The patches of land were like a lake amidst the topography of the clouds.   We discussed this among the two older women I sat between who happened to live less than 5 miles from each other.  I asked another lady if it looked like the stewardess rehearsed and she was sure she practiced.  She actually just came from an international cheerleading competition in Orlando.  So I’ll take her word for it.

I got home a little late, but I made it safe.  It’s amazing how many more people you meet when you are all alone traveling.  It’s like not having a safety net to catch you and just reaching out to connect with someone.  I confessed my hopes and dreams to random strangers I’d never met, and they shared the same with me.  I can’t wait to do it again.    

Good Luck

The other day Natalie and I went up to Highland Park to enjoy some sunshine.  I had recently gotten a good luck tattoo in my armpit.  It's kind of a sarcastic tattoo, but so far it has brought me good luck.  Less than 24 hours after I got it I found 10 dollars on the ground.

The day was really nice.  It was that perfect medium between hot and cold that only happens for a few days out of the year.  We were lounging in the shade and I had the bright idea to look for a 4 leaf clover.  Almost instantly I found the biggest and most perfect 4 leaf clover I have ever seen in my life.  I have never seen a 4 leaf clover in person, but within the period of 5 minutes I had found 4 of them.  I even found a 6 leaf clover! 

I pressed it in my Psych. 101 CLEP study guide.  I needed a 50 to pass the test and I squeaked past the finish line with a 58.  I hadn't taken a psych class in 5 years, but apparently the study guide works.  All I have left is a English exam until I am awarded a degree of engineering.

 Natalie is one of my good friends.  She's always been nice to everyone.  She lets me bug her with my dumb problems and is always kind enough to at least humor me.  Hopefully when I move away from home I'll still get too see her every once and a while.  Maybe my tattoo will keep me safe but a great man once told me, "The harder I work the luckier I seem to get."
 

Financial Friday

A couple Fridays ago Mr. Duane and I had the idea to dress up in suits an infiltrate the yuppie bars around Birmingham.  We figured if we talked about the NASDAQ and the Dow Jones we'd be in.  So we got all gussied up and headed out to explore the world of big money.

We met some of our less fortunate friends a house party.  We weren't able to stay long though.  Duane and I were discussing the tender offer we were going to publish in the newspaper tomorrow to try and purchase the Haints Co-Op. 

The Maserati Granturismo Sport GT was in the shop for some performance tuning so we had to take the rental car.

 

We went to Parkside first and talked with some fine older women.  They were very interested in our long term plans to establish equity with our new business ventures.  Then we jetted off to Above and took the elevator to the roof.

  We hung out for a bit at Above.  Our plan wasn't really turning out the way we were hoping.  The market was beginning to crash.  Duane and I decided to cut our losses.  We had to go back to doing the dirty.  We headed to the Plaza to talk to some down to earth ladies, but Duane's got a lady so he doesn't partake in this business ritual.  Just like the good ol' days.

 Drunk

Drunker 

 Drunkest

We caught a cab back to a friends house to discuss further business plans.  I'm thinking Western Wednesdays would be pretty fun for the next time.